My marriage was like hell. How I broke a generational curse and paved the pathway for others.

Jan 17

My marriage was like hell.

My grandmother told me that I’d be the one to break the generational curse of divorce, it wasn’t easy but through Christ, we overcame.

When there is a first, everyone follows.

You could have been the first woman governor, the first one to ask if anyone is gonna eat those extra pizza slices, the first one to fart in a new relationship, the first one in your family to graduate from college or to become an entrepreneur.

When you are the first you grant permission to everyone around you to have more and to be more of what God intended them to be.

When I was a little girl, my grandma determined that I would be a first.

She looked at me and said,

“Kierra you are going to break the generational curse of broken marriages and divorce in our family. And grandmommy is praying even right now for your husband.”

I had no clue what she was talking about, but something within me accepted the responsibility.

Ya see, my family was full of strong and resilient women. But they either never got married, didn’t want to be married, or were divorced. Unbeknownst to me, my grandma had moved to Virginia from Maryland to start a new life after her own marriage had failed. My grandma had the vision to break the cycle of failed marriages in our family, and she passed the torch to me.

Ironically, as I grew older and was living life on my own terms I lost the vision. My grandmother died after fighting cancer when I was 19, and in my grief, I  gave up on everything. I decided that I wanted to be a career woman, move to Washington DC, and own a condo with two dogs. I wanted NO children, and certainly not a husband

It wasn’t until Jesus captured my heart that He reminded me of my responsibility.

When I met my husband Paul, I had absolutely no interest in dating anyone. But it was Paul that God used to show me my need for Jesus to be the Lord of my life. Shortly after I realized that I began to grow and change, and the vision that my grandma placed in my heart was revived.

Paul committed our relationship to God and we practiced abstinence in our relationship.  Eventually, we got married, and though my grandma wasn’t there in person, I knew she witnessed it from heaven, and I knew she was pleased because God was pleased.

I thought that I had done the necessary things to break the generational curse of broken marriages in our family,  but saying the marriage vows and entering into a covenant relationship was only the beginning.

Quickly after the honeymoon, my marriage felt like it was from hell, but here are the things that saved me.

1. Have a vision

Through all of the struggles Paul and I have had, I have kept the vision to be the first. There have been times when I asked myself, “Why am I in this?” God gave me a personal vision outside of my grandmother’s to cling to — and vision is to be married to my husband for a lifetime.

When it was hard, I think… lifetime. Lifetime doesn’t mean I’m stuck with someone for my entire life, but to love and be loved, to fulfill our God-given callings together, and to create a godly heritage together. When the vision of our marriage is in front of me, the problems that we have shrink. And I know that if I’m the first, then my children can be the second, third, fourth. And my grandchildren will follow, and that’s a true sign that the curse is broken.

2.Pray and believe

During one of the toughest times in our marriage, I remember getting on an elevator alone, with a heavy heart and praying, “God if I’m going to change, you are going to have to help me.” And I believed that God would rescue me and my marriage, I just had to wait on Him. He has never failed to rescue me.

When you are the first you have to communicate with God, hear what He is saying to your heart, and what does He say in His word. I believe that “He who began a good work in me (and my marriage) is faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. Phil 1:6

3. Do it

Nothing will be changed if you don’t DO IT. Don’t overthink it, just jump, and trust God. The hardest thing about being the first is that there is no path for you to follow, but don’t let that stop you. Pave the way! Lean on the wisdom of others you’ve completed a similar journey if you need direction or feel like giving up.

Fight through it – Now, this one totally caught me off guard. Getting married was just the beginning. Saying “I do.” was waging the first battle in breaking this generational curse. I had to learn to fight. As Christians, we put on the full armor of God, and we go to battle. We battle with our words, our prayers, our forgiveness, our trust in God, our hope and with our love. We don’t give up, because we are never crushed or driven to despair. We stand when we are clueless of what to do because we have faith that our battles are already won. We don’t quit, we win!

I have full confidence that the generational curse of broken marriages and divorce in my family is broken. Not because of me.

But because every curse was broken when Jesus died on the cross. I simply had to be the first to take him up on that.

You are a curse breaker, YOU are a path paver!

Get the vision, pray and believe, DO the THANG, and FIGHT for it, and see if God won’t be faithful to keep His promises!

Love ya,


Beloved Mama

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