How I unknowingly was sinning (and the “circle talk” that lead to figuring it out)

Feb 18

“But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light for everything that becomes visible is the light.” Ephesians 5:13

I  often tell my husband I just feel like I’m doing a bunch of “circle talk” saying the same things over and over about certain seasons of life, especially business. I’m constantly trying to find the answers to the same feelings of restlessness by soaking up every self-help book, coach, social media post, etc– praying that I’ll find some divine answer that just falls into my lap or text message that validates I’m on the right path and that I heard God “correctly”.

Last year at a point of transitioning in my business the same feelings of uncertainty flooded my heart again. I spent weeks accomplishing nothing because I was so absorbed with all the “what ifs”, circle talk, and fear of hearing from God “wrong”. Like:

“Is this really what I’m supposed to be doing? Or am I somehow being selfish?”

“Is this God’s dream or my dream?”

“Should I work on this or that?”

“Isn’t it too soon for God to give me new business direction? Didn’t he just tell me to do this other thing??”

“What if I don’t really know what He’s asking me to do and I do this all wrong??”

Then one day I told my therapist “I think sometimes I don’t want to hold still long enough to tell Him my exact problems or to try to understand them because I’m too fearful I’ll realize I’m doing something wrong or somehow disappointing Him.”

I didn’t plan to say that out loud that day and caught my own self off guard that day– but the Holy Spirit knew just how to intercept on my behalf and knew just what I needed to hear.

I was flooded with conviction and shame all at once and sobbed like a baby. My counselor proceeded to tell me that that was the area that was missing in my prayer life– confession. In defense, I immediately responded with how I always confess things in prayer but she kindly pointed out that I wasn’t aware of the sin that was happening— the restlessness that I was feeling, the burden of lack of clarity, the fear of disappointing God—- all of that was a lack of faith— that was the sin I hadn’t brought to the light.

And I’ve never had more of a light bulb moment in all my life.

  1. You can’t disappoint what God has anointed.
  2. He can’t defeat what you aren’t bringing to light.

 

All the verses of saying you have faith and not doing/acting/walking in faith flooded my brain and it all clicked for me: my lack of faith was something I never sought forgiveness for nor really fully viewed as a sin.

I had access to counselors, The Word, community, and even a good prayer life IMHO… but because I wasn’t aware of my sin I couldn’t bring it to the light.  

I wasn’t aware that my anxiety was a lack of faith. I wasn’t aware that my “what ifs” were a lack of faith. 

I know there is nothing inherently wrong with feeling these things and I can’t prevent feeling them again, but I didn’t realize that these thoughts and feelings were causing me to be disobedient, left me feeling “stuck”, and not pursuing anything at all—and that was not OK. ‘Cause He doesn’t ask us to SIT in faith He asks us to WALK in faith, Amen??

That sin was stealing my peace and relationship with God.

And it wasn’t until I confessed and repented that I felt like our relationship was restored, the weight had been lifted, the direction from Him was flowing, and He was able work through me just as He had planned.

And maybe you needed to hear this today too…

Your turn

Is there any “circle talk” going on in your business or life that may actually be a lack of faith? Any “what ifs” or fear of disappointing God that’s stopping you from moving forward?

Claim them. Repent. And live in the freedom He died for you to have sister.

Pray

Lord, thank you for the hidden blessings we find in our day-to-day struggles and “circle talk”. Thank you for growing us and teaching us how to become more faithful in our walk. Help us to remember with gratitude that you reveal your purpose in our struggles and have a far better plan than we could ever imagine. Strengthen our faith the way we need it most. In Jesus name, Amen.

Want a like-minded community of women who aren’t afraid to bring the darkness to light? Join our private Facebook group right here.

 

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